Hari ini

Hari ini 31 Disember 2011.

Hari terakhir di tahun ini.

Setahun yang penuh cabar dan duga telah kuharungi. Meski banyak airmata yang tumpah, meski jiwa merintih dalam diam, meski hati sering goyah dengan derita tak terucap, aku masih lagi berdiri di sini. Dengan rahmatMu Ya Illahi, aku yang kerdil masih lagi meneruskan langkah. Aku tak akan berpaling lagi. Aku akan mendepani segenap ujianMu kerana aku percaya Engkau tidak akan membiarkan doaku dibawa angin lalu.Berikan aku ketabahan untuk setahun lagi kerana aku perlu hidup untuk diriku. Berikan aku kebahagiaan yang kupinta.Berikan aku kesejahteraan yang kucari.Hamparkan bagiku rezeki seluas lautan tak bertepi, seluas langit membiru.Mudahkan segenap urusanku denganMu dan dengan manusia lain.

Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui,maka aku serahkan segalanya kepadaMU.

WISH

This is my wish for me:

COMFORT on difficult days

                                   SMILES when sadness intrudes

RAINBOWS to follow the clouds

                                   LAUGHTER to kiss my lips

SUNSETS to warm my heart

                                   HUGS when spirit sag

FRIENDSHIPS to brighten my being

                                   BEAUTY for my eyes to see

FAITH so that I can believe

                                   CONFIDENCE for when I doubt

PATIENCE to accept the truth

                                  COURAGE to know myself

LOVE TO COMPLETE MY LIFE.

Ayu

‎...dedicated to my beloved mother,
for always believing,
and whom without your trust,
I'd not be here...

It's a wrap for my AE, thank you Mak. For everything.

My daughter wrote this and God knows how I cried reading it.

fundamentals

LOVE, RESPECT,APPRECIATION & UNDERSTANDING ARE THE FUNDAMENTALS THAT MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LASTS A LIFE TIME.-fazilahdahman.13thdecember2011.

Hari Ini

Hari ini

setahun genap

aku berpaling dari daerah

yang kudiami suku abad

Daerah dusta penuh pura-pura

Tangisku dalam hati

Sengsaraku dalam diam

Akhirnya bernoktah juga

Hari ini

Aku menjadi diriku

Seperti yang aku mahu

Semahunya aku.

PERLU

ingin kukatakan pada dunia

aku tak sekuat yang dilihat

aku tak setabah yang disangka

aku tak seberani yang dizahir

tapi

aku tak punya pilihan

aku perlu kuat

aku perlu tabah

aku perlu berani

DEMI DIRIKU.

Touching

When I marked the exam papers 2 stories written by the candidates really touched my heart.

Never mind what the stories are about. What matters is the sentences in the stories.

1. I am not cleaver (she means clever)but I love my mother so much.

2. "You never know what that night meant to me.I love you."( A note written by a mother to thank her son who took her to dinner for the first and the last time because she died a few days later due to heart attack.

These sentences remind me of my mother.At the age of almost 50, I still want to have my mother around but that is not possible because she left me forever 10 years ago.

May Allah bless my mother always.I am who I am today because of her.

Socrates and the Test of Three

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Test of Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.

"The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

“Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary... "
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.

“Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”
The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

(Socrates was not a Muslim, but what he had practiced made him much better than most Muslims nowadays. A great many people find it so exhilarating bad mouthing others, gossiping on matters that have nothing to do with them, acting holier-than-thou. So before you say anything about anyone, please take this test of three.This is a reminder to myself too. May Allah bless everyone of us.

13

I spent more than an hour on this yesterday. I saw the words being used elsewhere,but the definition was not to my liking.So I decided to write another one, and at the same time added other words,just to confirm that my English Language background is sound enough. My appreciation goes to the person who has thought of some of the words. The definition is entirely mine.-

The most popular 1- letter word

I

Avoid using it too much. Acknowledge others.

The most cooperative 2- letter word

WE

Use it more often, but make sure it is in the positive manner.

The most poisonous 3-letter word

EGO

Kill it, but let some live for self-respect.

The most beautiful 4-letter word

LOVE

Appreciate it, look for the true one, but don’t give too much; it spoils.

The loveliest 5-letter word

SMILE

Give generously, you will lose nothing, it makes you beautiful.

The most malicious 6-letter word

RUMOUR

Ignore it; don’t start however tempted you are.

The most glorious 7-letter word

SUCCESS

Work hard, pray hard and you will achieve it sooner or later.

The most enviable 8-letter word

JEALOUSY

Keep your distance from it. Sometimes it’s fatal.

The most powerful 9-letter word

KNOWLEDGE

Go all out to seek for it. This is the greatest wealth.

The most vital 10-letter word

CONFIDENCE

It is a spirit that makes you believe in yourself.

The most needed 11-letter word

INSPIRATION

Sometimes it appears at odd times. Don’t despair.

The most steadfast 12-letter word

PERSEVERANCE

Come what may, no matter what, you will overcome them all.

The most resolute 13-letter word

DETERMINATION.

Inculcate this in your heart and mind and your dream will become a reality

Korban

Hari ini 9 Zulhijjah 1432 Hijrah, juga 5 November 2011.Esok akan tiba Hari Raya Aidil Adha atau Hari Raya Korban.

Aku sudah beberapa kali melakukan ibadat korban.Dah tak ingat berapa kali sebenarnya.Seringnya aku kirimkan wang ke kampung untuk ibadat tersebut.Tapi kali ini aku berkongsi dengan rakan-rakan setugas untuk korban berkelompok di sekolah.InsyaAllah akan dilaksanakan pada 8 November nanti.

Sedikit sedih kerana hanya ada Kakak dan Adik Ayu yang dapat merasa bahagian korban ini kerana Adik belum balik dari Alabama. Namun, inilah cabaran hidup seorang ibu seperti aku, yang punya anak-anak yang bercita-cita tinggi,mahu mengejar ilmu dan kemahiran di negara orang.

Korban.Satu perkataan yang besar maknanya.Bagi aku perkataan ini adalah hidupku.Aku berkorban seluruh kebahagiaanku sebagai individu demi anak-anak.Aku relakan setiap penderitaan demi melihat anak-anakku berjaya. Aku diamkan segenap sengsara jiwaku demi kasih pada mereka.

Saat ini, tatkala mereka sudah dewasa dan sedang merintis jaya di laluan ilmu, aku masih juga berkorban untuk mereka.Kukorbankan perasaan sunyi tanpa mereka. Kukorbankan waktu dan tenaga untuk bersama mereka sesekali.

Untuk segenap pengorbananku, aku hanya memohon Allah memberikan aku kesempatan merasai hidup bahagia dan sejahtera.

Graduasi

Hari ni lebih 3 jam bermesyuarat untuk Majlis Graduasi SMTM kali pertama. sampai migraine lah sudahnya!

Banyak benda nak kena finalise especially aturcara majlis dan pergerakan pelajar sewaktu menerima sijil. Aku kena tahu semua perkara: dari susunan dlm buku aturcara sampai susunan tetamu dan pelajar.

Kenapa aku kena tahu semua?

Sebab kesalahan org lain semua boleh disembunyikan kecuali kesilapan aku.

Sebab?

Aku pengacara majlis.

Kalau aku silap, memanglah majlis huru hara.

Tuhanku, fasihkan lidahku.

Tajamkan penglihatan,pendengaran dan pengetahuanku.

Agar tugasku jadi sempurna.

Redup petang

Redup petang yang basah oleh hujan

Seorang aku di jendela kaca

Merenung titisan diserap bumi

Nostalgia kelmarin mengusik di sepi diri

Aku membilang rindu hari-hari yang hilang

Hujankah di sana

Di daerah asing kau menghimpun rezeki

Ingatkah padaku di sini

Setia menanti terus mengharap

Menunggu

Menunggu mimpi menjadi realiti
Menanti harapan menjadi kenyataan
Kerana aku tak pernah tahu
Apa yang Tuhan janjikan untukku
Kerana aku tak mungkin tahu
Manakah hikmah bagi setiap ujian dan dugaan
Jadi
Selagi mentari masih menyimbah sinar
Aku akan sabar menunggu.

someday

Sejarah

Aku tak pasti sama ada sejarah berulang atau tidak.Tapi bagi aku ada sejarah yang berulang malah dalam bentuk yang lebih bagus dan lebih hebat.

Pada tahun 1992 semasa berumur 6 tahun, anak sulungku,Nurul Fatehah telah dipilih sebagai pelajar terbaik di Tadika Islah.Dia juga dipilih untuk membacakan ucapan mewakili pelajar-pelajar lain. Waktu itu aku sudah amat bangga dengan pencapaiannya.

Ibu bapa dan para tetamu yang hadir sangat kagum dengan kepetahan dia berucap.Mereka kagum dengan kelancaran dan intonasi suaranya yang baik.Mereka fikir tentulah dia dapat membaca kerana belajar di Tadika Islah!Apa yang mereka tak tahu ialah, Nurul Fatehah sudah boleh membaca sejak berumur empat tahun kerana bertadika dengan ibunya. Dia hanya pergi ke Tadika untuk menghabiskan waktu sementara menunggu aku balik kerja.Dia hanya pergi ke Tadika untuk menemani adiknya Nurul Khalidah, yang berumur empat tahun. Hari itu anakku telah menjadi aset tadikanya. Hari itu anakku telah "menjual" tadikanya kepada masyarakat setempat yang hadir di Dewan Masjid Tanah, Melaka.

Tujuh belas tahun kemudian,di usia 23, sejarah itu berulang.Dia mendapat anugerah pelajar terbaik English Language and Literature di Majlis Konvokesyen ke 25 Universiti Islam Antarabangsa dan menjadi Valedictorian untuk sidang kelima konvokesyen pada 12 Oktober 2009. Dia masih Nurul Fatehah yang petah dan lancar, yang berucap dalam 3 bahasa.Bermula dengan Bahasa Inggeris, kemudian Bahasa Arab dan diakhiri dengan Bahasa Melayu. Aku tak punya perkataan untuk menggambarkan perasaan hatiku waktu itu.Aku amat bersyukur dengan rahmat Allah.Aku amat bangga dengan pencapaiannya. Dia sangat gigih belajar.Dia sangat rajin menuntut ilmu.Dia tak kenal jemu mengejar kejayaan.

8 Oktober 2011, sekali lagi aku menghadiri konvokesyen UIA.Kali ini Nurul Fatehah mendapat ijazah Master of Human Sciences( English Literature Studies).Walaupun tidak mendapat anugerah pelajar terbaik dan menyampaikan ucapan tapi dia masih berjaya sebagai pelajar terbaik English Literature Studies.Sekali lagi aku tak punya kata-kata untuk menukilkan perasaan hati melainkan lafaz kesyukuran ke hadrat Illahi atas kurniaNya yang sangat hebat.

Berapa ramaikah ibu di Malaysia yang Allah beri peluang menjadi ibu kepada pelajar terbaik?Tak ramai.Dan aku amat bersyukur kerana aku berada dalam senarai itu.Kejayaan Nurul Fatehah sangat dibanggakan adik-adiknya juga. Dan, kalaupun Nurul Khalidah dan Nurul Nabilah Hanis tidak terpilih sebagai pelajar terbaik atau valedictorian, aku tetap bersyukur mereka sampai ke menara gading melalui jalan yang tak berliku dan penuh airmata seperti aku.

Tuhanku, aku tempuhi segenap duka sengsara hidup ini demi anak-anakku dan aku bersyukur padaMU atas segenap rahmat dan kurnia ini.

Tuhan menduga imanku dengan pelbagai duka

Pun begitu

DIA menganugerahkan aku dengan pelbagai rahmat

8 Oktober 2011

Di Universiti Islam Antarabangsa, Gombak

Tuhan beriku satu lagi anugerah

Yang tidak diberiNya kepada ramai orang

Anakku mendapat ijazah sarjana di usia 25

Dipilih sekali lagi sebagai pelajar terbaik

Anakku menunaikan cita-cita dan impianku

Anakku melunaskan hutang sengsara jiwaku

Sungguh kusyukuri segenap anugerahMu

Pun demikian

Ya Tuhan,kupohon kepadaMu

Pinjamkan aku sekadar waktu

Untuk memiliki bahagia yang kuimpi

Buat membalut luka-luka kelmarin

Buat mengganti setiap titis airmata berzaman.

Hakikat

Lihatlah dengan mata hati
Nilailah dengan akal budi
Terjemahlah dengan nurani
Kerana
Tak semua yang kau lihat
Adalah satu hakikat.

SYAWAL

Hari ini 1 Syawal 1432Hijrah.

Untuk kali pertama sejak sekian lama aku tidak menangis bila takbir berkumandang, bila aku duduk membalut ketupat pulut yg diajar Aruah Emak.

Aku sudah belajar melepaskan semuanya yg berlalu.Aku perlu hidup demi diriku.Semalam yg penuh duka sengsara adalah pengajaran dan teladan juga sempadan.Aku doakan hari ini dan hari depan adalah hari-hari bahagia seperti yg kudoakan sentiasa.

Wahai Tuhanku, bersama Syawal ini hamparkanlah kebahagiaan buatku.

Pondering Delights

"NO AND YES ARE TWO SHORT WORDS WHICH NEED
A LONG THOUGHT...MOST OF THE THINGS WE MISS
IN LIFE ARE DUE TO SAYING NO TOO SOON
AND YES TOO LATE..!!!...........think of it...........!!!"

=================================================

That is attitude.

1) Heavy rains remind us of challenges in life.
Never ask for a lighter rain.
Just pray for a better umbrella.

2) When flood comes, fish eat ants & when flood recedes,
ants eat fish.Only time matters. Just hold on,
God gives opportunity to everyone!

3) Life is not about finding the right person,
but creating the right relationship, it is not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the ending.

4) Some people always throw stones in your path.
It depends on you what you make with them, Wall or Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.

5) Every problem has (n+1) solutions, where n is the number of solutions that you have tried and
1 is that you have not tried. That's life.

6) It is not important to hold all the good cards in life.
But it is important how well you play with the cards
which you hold.

7) Often when we lose all hope & think this is the end,
God smiles from above and says,'Relax dear, it is just a bend. Not the end. Have Faith and
have a successful life.

8) When you feel sad, to cheer up, just go to the mirror and say, 'Damn I am really so cute' and you will overcome your sadness.
But don't make this a habit because liars go to hell.

9) One of the basic differences between God and human is, God gives, gives and forgives. But human gets,gets, gets and forgets. Be thankful in life!

10) Only two types of persons are happy in this world.
1st is Mad and 2nd is Child.
Be Mad to achieve what you desire
and
be a Child to enjoy what you have achieved!

_ With due thanks to a Dear who shares this with me.

Ramadhan ke 25

Hari ini hari ke 25 Ramadhan.

Kian menghujung kiranya bulan penuh barakah ini. Terima kasih Tuhanku kerana mengizinkan aku menjalani ibadah ini hingga ke hari ini meski dalam sakit yang bersambung-sambung antara satu dgn yg lain.

Penghujung Ramdhan bererti akan tibanya Syawal. Bagi aku yang sudah tak punya ibu dan bapa, Syawal sudah hilang seri, sudah tak punya makna. Dan tahun ini Nurul Nabilah Hanis pula berada di Alabama. Hanya ada kakak-kakaknya bersama. Syawal, datanglah dan pergilah bersama duka yg tidak mungkin kulukis dgn warna.kuterjemah dgn kata.

20082010

SELAGI MENTARI MASIH BERSINAR

HARAPAN TAK PERNAH PUDAR,

SELAGI BULAN MASIH DI LANGIT MALAM

IMPIAN TAK AKAN PADAM

catatan di Facebook pada 20 Ogos 2011.

Praying Hands

"Praying Hands” (study for an Apostle figure of the “Heller” altar, 1508). Dürer, Albrecht.

The actual drawing of Hands, sketched in 1508, was intended as a preliminary study for an altarpiece commissioned by a wealthy Frankfort citizen, Jacob Heller. Nevertheless, the drawing is finished down to the last detail, because Durer planned to transpose it exactly in the final oil painting. For 13 months Durer worked on the final painting, determined to make it so sound and beautiful “that it will remain bright and fresh for five hundred years.“

The Legend Behind the Praying Hands

Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg, lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen! In order merely to keep food on the table for this mob, the father and head of the household, agoldsmith by profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he could find in the neighborhood.

Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of Albrecht Durer the Elder’s children had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.

After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy. Then, when that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy, either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by laboring in the mines.

They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg. Albert went down into the dangerous mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy was almost an immediate sensation. Albrecht’s etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.

When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht’s triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his honored position at the head of the table to honor his beloved brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfill his ambition. His closing words were, “And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and I will take care of you.”

All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat, tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over, “No …no …no …no.”

Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly, “No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too late for me. Look … look what four years in the mines have done to my hands! The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother … for me it is too late.”

More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer’s hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver-point sketches, watercolors, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer’s works. More than merely being familiar with it, you very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.

One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother’s abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply “Hands,” but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love “The Praying Hands.”

The next time you see a copy of that touching creation, take a second look. Let it be your reminder, if you still need one, that no one–no one–ever makes it alone!

TQVM to a Dear who shared this heart warming story with me.

17 Ramadhan

Hari ini 17 Ramadhan juga 17 Ogos. Hari aku demam dan selsema juga.Sebenarnya sejak malam tadi sakit belakang yang amat. Masa solat terawih dgn duduk rapat2 bersama pelajar, hati dah bimbang.Tapi gagahkan juga. Dan akhirnya tulang belakang yg sememangnya cedera, sakit semula.

Nasib baik hari ni ada appointment dgn pakar. Dr Soh Chiang Joo yg handsome dan baik budi bahasa mengingatkan jangan "pressure the spine". Angguk saja lah...Kena pegi buat bone density test. Alhamdulillah tak mengidap osteoporosis. Berkenalan dgn juru X ray dari Sarawak. Manis orangnya semanis budi pekerti.

Hari ini juga seluruh warga sekolah memasak bubur lambuk. Aku aja yg terkecuali kerana aku diberi MC oleh Dr Soh. Jadi kau tak tau apa cerita bubur lambuk. Tapi menjelamg 4.15 petang telefon berbunyi...En Din, pembantu pejabat call. Dia nak kunci bilik guru dan dia nampak ada bubur lambuk satu bekas atas meja aku...dia suruh ambil di ofis...terharu aku dgn kebaikannya.Maka si Kakak pun memecut Habib, Viva putihnya dan membawa balik bubur lambuk bahagian emaknya.

Pukul 4.30, Cikgu Haji Yaacob, bekas pensyarahku datang menghantar 2 biji cempedak dari kebunnya. Terima kasih cikgu.

Hari yang suram dgn sakit tapi Allah temukan aku dgn orang yg baik2 semuanya...Syukur Alhamdulillah.

magic

Even if some magic would allow me to be someone else, I'd still choose to be myself.

Rindu

Rindunya aku

pada orang-orang yang jauh

yang hilang

yang sudah tiada

Rindunya aku

pada sawah padi menghampar jauh

sungai jernih mengalir sepi

kampung halaman lama kutinggal

Rindunya aku

pada hari-hari silam yang indah bahagia

musim-musim manis berwarna ceria

waktu-waktu dulu yang berlarik ria

Aduhai

rindu ini menduga hati

seorang aku

mengukur sepi menganyam sunyi.

Myself

This is where I am with myself

This is where I am myself

Though the world is always so full of people

Sometimes I am so very lonely

Sometimes I really wish

I can have all I hope for

Sometimes I really hope

All my wishes come true

THIS VERY INSTANT.

Hari pertama

Hari ini hari pertama puasa. Melaka cuti. Sunyi saja sekitar.Agaknya semua orang tidor balik lepas solat subuh.

Malam tadi solat terawih. 8 rakaat yang pantas. Dan bila balik aku sakit belakang yang amat hingga terpaksa letak hot pack. Sepanjang malam sakit...Tahulah aku bahawa selama ini aku tak sakit semasa solat kerana aku buat sendiri-sendiri mengikut kemampuan. Tapi solat berjemaah yang pantas dan cepat memang akan menganggu tulang belakang yang cedera ini. Kena solat sorang-sorang kat rumah lah nampaknya...Apa boleh buat, kerana sakit ini pun ujian Tuhan juga.Maka aku terima dengan redha.

Tapi syukur aku masih boleh berpuasa.

Question

+ Do U know why I love U so very much?

- I don't care what are your reasons as long as you love me sincerely.

Kenyataan dan impian

Kalaulah semua kenyataan seindah impian
Tentulah tiada keluhan rintihan
Namun demikian hakikat kehidupan
Sentiasa diduga oleh cabaran
Maka aku yang bernama insan
Harus menghimpun segenap ketabahan

Saidinia Umar

“No amount of guilt can change the past & no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

[Umar Ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)]

akulah itu

akulah itu yang berpagi2

menapak ke medan rezeki

menunai yang terkanun di tugasan hakiki

menegur yang terbabas di batasan budi

menasihat yang tergelincir dari landasan pekerti

akulah itu yg saban hari

berusaha melangsai budi

mereka yang terlebih dulu di sini

menyampai ilmu membentuk peribadi

akulah itu yang saban detik memohon pada Illahi

agar diberi ketabahan hati

mendepani cabaran tak kenal henti.

(hakcipta terpelihara: FazilahDahman)

Rembang

Rembang petang
Mentari berlalu ke ufuk barat
Dari balik jendela kaca
Aku mengukur bebayang
Terlarik hiba di layar sepi
Tatkala hati mencari-cari
Yang jauh dan yang hilang...

Menghitung Menafsir

Syaaban di pertengahan.Julai kian menghujung.Aku masih di sini.Menghitung segenap rahmat Allah yg kukutip saban waktu.Menafsir sejuta hikmah dari setiap dugaanNya.Apa lagi yg kupunya, melainkan keyakinan bahawa apapun yg kulalui,DIA lebih tahu segala.(15Syaaban nan barakah/17Julai)

Mid July

Mid July.

I have been on hiatus for a fortnight. I went to Bintulu from the 4th till the 8th. Gained some new experience. Some bitter ones, some sweet ones and some unexpected ones too. The best was surely when I helped the facilitators to be the MC at one of their programs. And not to forget when many people were surprised to know that I am going to be 49 in November. And I must say that I thank Allah for this. It has always been a real blessing when people say I look younger than my age. For whatever reason, I am always myself; the way I am.

There wasn't much time to see every part of Bintulu. It was quite disappointing that the Science camp that was scheduled at a hotel ended in a hostel.(They must have spelt the word HOSTEL in the first place but forgot to put the 'S'.) But at least there was lodging for us teachers though quite uncomfortable. My sincere thanks to the Principal, staff and students of SMK Kemena. The organizer even forgot to schedule a few hours for the students to visit Bintulu town and buy some souvenirs, though they are not cheap at any rate!! Imagine to come from every state in Malaysia for the first time to this part of Sarawak and not even had the chance to buy one pathetic key chain for friends at home. My oh my....

When I came back I was appointed the MC for National Robotics Competition Melaka State level. Two days consecutively had to drive to Politeknik Merlimau. The weather was fiery hot in the afternoons and I was down with fever and flu on Thursday but still went to work. On Friday the fever got worse and I ended up being given 2 days MC by the doctor. Well, the MC got an MC!!

Due to the MC, 2 classes were without English lessons on Friday. InsyaAllah I will replace during their prep hours next week. Well, they should not be happy for too long without this firm English teacher with the sharpest tongue!

Sometimes I am so exhausted with all sort of tasks/duties besides teaching. Albeit that, I am not the kind of person who refuse any duties and responsibilities. The only setback is that I am not as healthy as I look or as I portray!!

How I really wish I have another income so that I can take an unpaid leave for one year and enjoy my life- go to Alabama to visit my youngest daughter/go on a vacation to wherever I wish/write the book that I dream of for so long/drive along the coast to watch the sunset.....But then again, as this teaching job is the only income I have, I am determined to give my very best. Anybody wants me as their business partner or something?? Well, the only business I know is TEACHING and handle ceremonies and events as Master of Ceremony.

Today I will make a difference.

I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It's OK to stumble...I will get up. It's OK to fail...I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

Today I will make a difference.

Max Lucado

From "On The Anvil"

TQVM to my Dear friend who gave this to me with the hope I will make a difference in my life as an individual.

words on LOVE

1. This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy. --Susan Polis Schutz (in The Artist Who Paints Disappearing Rain Forests)

2. Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means. --Leo Buscaglia (in Finding A Lifeline & A Friend) 3. Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible, it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could. --Barbara DeAngelis (in Selling 1 House to Serve 30 Villages) 4.For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it. --Ivan Panin (in Turning Everest's Trash Into Treasure) 5.I will love the light for it shows me the way. Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. --Og Mandino (in Lighting Up the World with LED) 6.Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If youlove what you are doing, you will be successful. --Albert Schweitzer (in Bhutan) 7.The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. --Thomas Merton (in Love's Beginning) 8.Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. --Kahlil Gibran(in Gorillas of Saharan Africa) 9.You are what you love, not what loves you. --Adaptation (in What You Love) 10.Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two my life flows. --Nisargadatta Maharaj (in Untitled)

SMILE

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
-- Author Unknown

REST

I WANT TO REST

I NEED A REST

I HAVE TO REST.

I HAVE BEEN WORKING SO MUCH THAT THE TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY WAS NOT A HOLIDAY AT ALL.

JUST LET ME REST PLEASE. STOP ASKING ME TO DO SO MANY THINGS THAT I FIND ARE BURDENING ME PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.

JUST BECAUSE I COMPLETE EVERY TASK GIVEN TO ME, THAT DOES'T MEAN I LIKE EVERYTHING.

FATHER

Many people around the world celebrate Father's Day today. I can't do that because my father is no more with me. I cannot tell him that I love him so much but I'd like to tell the world that HE was such a great father and I am who I am today because of his insight of sending me to an English School though he was only a padi farmer. He knew that being fluent in English would give me better opportunities in life. He took the trouble of sending me to school and later fetching me on his old bicycle in between his back-breaking tasks in the mud under the blazing hot sun and torrential rain. He paid my monthly school fees without any delay.He bought me all the books needed. He made sure I did not get more than the 10th placing in my class!

And here I am today, paying my debts to my father by teaching my students to be good in English. ,But then again, I can possibly never have enough to pay the debts of love and sacrifice of my late father; HAJI DAHMAN BIN AWANG. And I treasure the pride of having his name after the name he gave me.May Allah Bless my Father always. Al Fatihah.

Kelas GPMS

Hari ni sepatutnya ada kelas bimbingan anjuran Yayasan GPMS dari jam 3-4.30. Pukul 2.59 aku dah sampai kelas. Ada seorang pelajar saja.Aku pegi ofis buat announcement, ingatkan pelajar terlibat supaya masuk kelas tapi ada 2 orang saja yg datang. 3.30 aku balik. Pukul 3 ialah waktu prep. Kalau tak sedar yang kelas GPMS ada hari ni, waktu prep sepatutnya dah ada di sekolah bukan membuta di asrama.

Aku peduli apa!! Tak mau belajar, sudah...Bukan aku yang tak pandai English Language tapi korang. So if U think U are damn clever, where as U are damn stupid, why should I bother? Might as well be at home and rest my tired mind and body.

Fever

Down with fever.

But still go to school.

Heavy head heavy eyes.

Yet still go to class.

So,

when the students are not paying attention,

I believe I have the right to curse them and turn them into BMW325i.

Heartache....

From 7th -12th June I was in SM Teknik Kuantan for the national level tournament where technical school students and teachers alike spend almost the whole week of the school holidays doing many things for the schools. There were debate, football, netball, softball, sepaktakraw, rugby and inventions. There were 10 zones altogether: Sabah, Sarawak, Johor, Melaka-Negeri Sembilan, Selangor-Wilayah Persekutuan, Pahang, Kelantan-Terengganu, Perak, Pulau Pinang and Kedah -Perlis.

It was no fun to be in the dorm together with students, sharing awful bathrooms with them, became the victim of hundreds of mosquitoes,( I have hundreds of small red dots on my hands and face!!), eating badly cooked food in the dining hall, walking a long way to the ironing room in the next block because the one nearby is under lock and key and not even one power point to charge my cellphone. The dorm was quite dirty in fact!

For SM Teknik Melaka, this is the 7th outing for debate. We went to Penang in 2004, Gombak, Selangor in 2005, back to Melaka in 2006, off to Pasir Mas,Kelantan in 2007 (and became CHAMPION), Sungai Petani, Kedah in 2008 and Krian, Perak in 2009. We became the first runner-up at zone level in 2010, so a hiatus for one year and this year we start another journey to national level.

Managing and coaching the debaters for 11 years and competing at national level for 7 times, gives me such valuable experience. I get to meet new friends, make some new enemies as well. I get to go to many states yet still think my kampung up north is the best. And one thing I realised is that a few schools keep coming to the national level but with different coach/manager except for ME!!! I am always the one for my school.

When will someone from SMTM take over this task of coaching/managing the debaters? I am so exhausted of doing this for 11 years. I just want to lie low and enjoy doing nothing. I just want to stop coaching debaters!!

Are they taking advantage of me?Did I allow myself to be too kind? Just because I am a debater myself, is it mandatory that I must do this every year? Why can't they give me a break before I break my spine?

SURVIVE

Sunday 5th June 2011.

A cloudy Sunday...as cloudy as my mind! This debate training for the National Level is no joke when I have to juggle my time for other tasks as well. I have another 2 piles of Form 4 English 1119/2 to mark. I do not wish to carry that spiteful bundle to Kuantan. I can't carry anything heavy. That is the warning/reminder from the Orthopedic Specialist. My poor spine is not as good as it used to be. The worn out discs or lumbar is not getting any better. I have to rely on medication without any excuse. If that doesn't offer the comfort needed, then, I have to go a process where the doctor will inject a "liquid" (for God sake, whatever is the name!) to ease the tension between the lumbars.

If things get worse I have to go for operation to insert a screw in between the same lumbars that are having problems. Well, makes me feel like I am a wardrobe or something when the dear doctor mentioned the screw!!

But, if I don't have any other choice I will have to agree. Well, I am so used to living in situations that I don't have much choice, but with my faith in God Almighty and never-ending determination; I survived. And I will survive. That much I know.

30MAY2011

Isnin terakhir dgn anakanda Nurul Nabilah Hanis Aziz. Nanti malam akan meninggalkan tanahair, ibu bapa dan Kakak2; Nurul Fatehah dan Nurul Khalidah, Bubu si sugar glidernya, Nelli kereta Kelisanya dan semua yg dia sayang untuk mencari ilmu dan kepandaian di negara orang. Tuhanku, Engkau permudahkanlah segala urusan anakku. Engkau kurniakanlah segenap kesejahteraan untuknya. Aku serahkan dia dalam jagaanMU sentiasa, selama setahun mendatang sama seperti aku serahkan segalanya tentang hidupku selama ini.

Bagaikan kelmarin saja aku menghantarnya ke SK Batu Berendam. Seperti kelmarin saja aku menghantarnya saban hari ke Malacca Girls High School, pergi tuition Add Maths, pergi program Pelancongan Sekolah dan akhirnya menghantarnya ke Food Institute of Malaysia di Kelana Jaya untuk meraih Diploma in Culinary Arts yang sangat dikejarnya.

Renaissance Ross Bridge, Birmingham Alabama, kupinjamkan anakku selama setahun. Pulangkan dia kepadaku sebagai insan yang lebih bijaksana dalam menggapai cita-citanya.

school holidays

Last day of school for this term. By 10am students of SMTM started to leave the school compound EXCEPT for my debaters who are going to Kuantan to take part in Inter Technical Schools Debate; their training began there and then. This is the seventh time SMTM is going to the National level. We started the national level outing in 2004 until 2009, broke the consecutive-chain in 2010 and start again this year. Won the coveted national trophy in 2007 in Kelantan and this year we are trying again.

Training debaters is never easy. But it is part of my duty since 2001, so I take it as a responsibility. Even my daughters help me to train them. I just hope and wish and PRAY that God Almighty will bless my team. Amin.

Kuantan, here we come...

MOTHER

THERE IS JUST ONE, AND ONLY ONE

WHOSE LOVE SHALL FAIL ME NEVER

JUST ONE WHO LIVES FROM SUN TO SUN

WITH CONSTANT FOND ENDEAVOR

THERE IS JUST ONE, AND ONLY ONE

ON EARTH THERE IS NO OTHER

IN HEAVEN A NOBLE WORK WAS DONE

WHEN GOD GAVE MAN A MOTHER.

Eartha Mary Magdalene White.

(A tribute to my late Mother Hajah Timah Bt Haji Samah)